Some relationships are synonymous with heart attack, high blood pressure, fainting and eventually suicide.

Some men claim to be in a relationship but end up receiving tenets for running same relationship from their mothers, thereby, making the lady appear as a ‘tabula rasa’. Although, such is far from my case.

My name is Simi and I’m aged 26, outspoken, and with qualities that I believe every man would love. 
Recently, I was in a relationship with Gorge Abemi (32), good looking and CEO of a multinational company. Money was not the problem but time and attention were issues to tackle.

One morning, we planned for an outing and I had prepared in no time because of my philosophy which says ‘when your man wants to take you out, don’t waste time, who knows whether it’s a proposal’.

Guess what? After all the nice dressings, only for him to call me and say ‘Simi! Listen, there will be a little adjustment to our outing. I will call you for it later’. Oh! He is cancelling our outing again. I looked around in disappointment. My room is so unkempt with clothes littered everywhere because I was in a hurry to meet up with him.

This is the fourth time this week. Bravo!! Just the best way to dodge a girlfriend from another. Or was that not another lady’s voice at the background? Yes! I heard a female voice at the background. Men!! Men cannot be trusted. I concluded.

In no time, I was at his apartment. Good!, I met a woman right beside his car and I found my way through the garden, ignoring the gate man’s greetings and the woman’s glances. In anger, I collided with George who was rushing out.

George was shocked to see me, yet, he laughed at my countenance. He tried to hold me but I moved away quickly. He beckoned that I join the train. I was already fuming with anger to ask questions, so, I entered the car and sat on the front seat before the woman could blink. George, in an attempt to apologise, stuttered. So, I told him to ‘shut up and drive’ , even though I had no idea of the destination.

Something suggested that I was over reacting, but can you imagine such scenario? I just wanted to be a heroine to all ladies out there. ‘Always fight it out’.
George pulled out of the compound to a slightly busy road, and there was total silence in the car. I kept checking the woman through the rear and made faces.

I adjusted rudely as the boss that I was and decided to make a call. The woman’s phone rang so loud that I cried out saying,

“Gush, George, tell her that I need to make a call ”. George concentrated on driving. There was silence again. I went into a dial and end-dial series but each time I dialed, the woman’s phone rang.

After few seconds of deliberation with my inner man, I tapped George on his shoulder and asked “ Is this…Can this… be mum ”. He screwed me down with a glance and asked if I have realized my foolishness. It became dawned on me that I had over reacted.

I tried pleading with his mum but George had parked and ordered me to shut up and get out. I moved out, bent down and tried to open the door to the back sit. George flung my bag out and made a U-turn. This is where it ends.

If someone else had narrated this to me I would have rebuked her a lot. For heaven’s sake how won’t you know that the calm woman is your supposed mother-in-law? But if you were in my shoes, what would you have done?

I learnt my lessons and in the process discovered that in every situation, there is need to have good control of one’s emotional state. This is key to every relationship. As a precondition, it is good to have basic understanding of love-life and how it operates – the gallop nature of life which involves ups and downs.

Nothing is really rosy all through. No relationship is a perfect example for others to follow through. People who have used certain relationships as their models have regretted their actions. While several others have discovered that many relationships are mere mirages.
In my case, I didn’t ask questions, I just assumed that my guess was perfect. Whereas, communication is vital for any relationship to flourish.

There is need to build trust and share thoughts. But these are only possible when you communicate effectively. It is bad to always assume in relationship. Stop assuming. Ask questions.

Come to think of it, when you have no say in a relationship, then, what are you into? Nevertheless, in as much as one’s voice is to be heard, there is need for modesty so that one will not dominate the other. Sometimes, it can get so terrible that he makes you perform a wifely duty such as cooking, washing, love making and I wonder what you will do when you eventually get married legally.

On the other hand, if a man realizes that the only time you call is when you need him to take you out with your entourage of friends, cousins, nephew, nieces and acquaintances, he will take to his heels. This is the epitome of an unhealthy relationship.

Please, take time to study your partner and understand his temperament. You should have certain understanding to why your partner behaves the way he does. If he is an introvert, then, be ready to entertain mood swings without getting offended. And never react to certain situations without proper elucidation. Learn from my case. Think before you act.

Most importantly, don’t accept what you will not accept. This means that you should never assume that your partner will change without you telling her to change. She will think you love her the way she is, if you don’t mention it to her. Issues arise from several assumptions; men thinking their girlfriends will not change (in shape) and women thinking their boyfriends will change ( in habits). Yet, don’t force a thing on your partner. Allow him or her to reason it out.

To men out there, always make your woman comfortable around you by making her feel special because she is. You can use pet names if she likes them. Make her your best friend and do not hesitate opening up to her. Do not keep secrets. It will be terrible for her to discover something about you from someone else.

It will be heartbreaking and very painful. Others call it cheating or side chick and boo, don’t double date. Do proper introduction to your friends and acquaintances so that she wouldn’t feel like a piece of furniture.

Finally, there is a great need for the God-factor. Relationships remain the way we build them, there is nothing miraculous without a deliberate effort. If the foundation is faulty, there is little to be done. But no matter where you are in your relationship. You can still build it.

But if you discover that it’s not working out, please, it’s not a do or die affair. Do not remain as a co-founder of a pointless, baseless and clueless relationship. Do not wait for him to take a bow and break your heart, you can simply make a curtsy.


Rebecca Maulome Padonu is an enthusiastic writer with a soft spot for factions. A RubyWrites 2016 finalist. She has completed several freelance writing projects, including BBC Media Action’s Drama series, Story Story (series 32 & 33).

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