Reading the first pages of a certain book, someone wanted to know why things change after marriage – he was inquiring from the author.  He has been out of 3 different marriages in 16 years and wonders how the very sweet love story transformed into an irritating one that led to a divorce, 3 separate times.

In tackling the above situation, the author said:

The problem is that we have overlooked one fundamental truth: People speak different love languages

Of a truth, we all speak different love languages as outlined in this very influential book. The five (5) basic love languages include:

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Quality time
  3. Receiving gifts
  4. Acts of service
  5. Physical touch

The essential point is that we all have a primary love language and in order to make it work with our partners, we should endeavor to learn a secondary love language (our partner’s).

What Book is this?

What next?


Rebecca Maulome Padonu is an enthusiastic writer with a soft spot for factions. A RubyWrites 2016 finalist. She has completed several freelance writing projects, including BBC Media Action’s Drama series, Story Story (series 32 & 33).


  1. I agree, most persons show love through their love language, whilst neglecting the love language of the other person, a good lover; someone skilled in the act of loving is that person that can observe how the other person shows love to him/her and tries to reciprocate the love in the same way. But most of us are so blind we can’t see it. I believe the learning the love language of the spouse will make the relationship meaningful for the spouse, and for yourself if you are lucky enough to have a spouse that decides to also learn your love language. It always takes two to tango.

  2. Upon this land, we shall build our castle.
    What makes people fall inlove is often not what keeps them inlove. Falling inlove is easy but needs a lot of mastering (love language) to stay in love. Your clear idea of differentiating primary and seconday love language is superb. But we should also put to check that (love language) isn’t reserved for spouse. It is needed for our day to day activities.

    • I totally agree that we need love in our day to day activities with everyone we come across. Yes, this is a book written by a fantastic writer – we shall get to it soon

  3. One of my favourite lines reads……”Understanding is another name of Love”; and to realise the place of this assertion in the context of this post is a gift to humanity…… Good writes Becca. Keep the flame blazing. God bless you.

  4. Yes. We all really speak different love languages. Learning a secondary one would really be of help to both parties.

  5. I completely agree with you, there re lots of failed marriages due to lack of understanding and this mosly results from the fact that some partners don’t take seriously the “secondary love language”, one of the partners may be trying to connect while the other may relax, making less or no effort. This may automatically lead to failed marriage.

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  8. I’m impressed, I must say. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s both equally educative and amusing, and without a doubt, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The problem is something that not enough men and women are speaking intelligently about. Now i’m very happy that I found this in my search for something regarding this.

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