I am still going through the pages of the book, “The 5 Love Languages”, by Gary Chapman and just after the second chapter, I have come across an interesting phenomenon, ‘Falling in Love’.

Gary mentions that when we are in love, we do not notice flaws, neither do we care when others point them out to us. Our partner is simply perfect. Lo and behold, it takes two years for a romantic obsession to go away and every flaw will become bare. Characters will get irritating and we begin to wonder how we got here.

The in-love experience does not focus on our own growth nor on the growth and development of the other person. Rather, it gives us the sense that we have arrived.

Researchers such as psychiatrist M. Scott Peck and psychologist Dorothy Tennov, have concluded that the in-love experience should not be called “love” at all. Dr. Tennov coined the word ‘Limerance’ for the in-love experience in order to distinguish that experience from what she considers real love. Dr, peck differentiate the ‘In love experience from real love’ based on the followings

  •  Falling in love is not an act of the will or a conscious choice.
  • Falling in love is not real love because it is effortless.
  • One who is “in love” is not genuinely interested in fostering the personal growth of the other person.

Falling in love is, therefore:

a genetically determined instinctual component of mating behavior. In other words, the temporary collapse of ego boundaries that constitutes falling in love is a stereotypical response of human beings to a configuration of internal sexual drives and external sexual stimuli, which serves to increase the probability of sexual pairing and bonding so as to enhance the survival of the species

In other words, choose a love that combines emotions and reason – something emotional and not obsessional. It should rather be a conscious act – rational & intentional

Do you Agree with this?


Rebecca Maulome Padonu is an enthusiastic writer with a soft spot for factions. A RubyWrites 2016 finalist. She has completed several freelance writing projects, including BBC Media Action’s Drama series, Story Story (series 32 & 33).


  1. Hhhmm a big question. well its when one doesn’t know the reason as to why he or she is in love

  2. Hi! I absolutely agree with you.
    love should be rational and intentional to survive.

    it’s takes a great deal to love someone and to be loved.

  3. I really don’t know believe in “falling “in love. I would say the phrase for me is “growing in love ” and the last paragraph describes just that. So I absolutely agree.

  4. Zubairu Dee Reply

    Interesting piece. Reminds me of a line I heard in a movie I can’t remember “We’re not really in love, but in love with the idea of being in love”


    Wow! I love this page… Nice one Becky, more Grease to your elbow .

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