Topping the list of the 5 Love Languages as proposed by Gary Chapman is my primary love language, “Words of Affirmation”. Although, I have come to understand that as individuals, we give love in a manner and prefer to receive it through another means – Primary versus Secondary love language – where Primary is the way you give love and Secondary is the way you prefer to receive.
By way of explanation, someone who enjoys running errands for another as a way of showing love may not necessarily want the actions reciprocated – maybe all he wants is some verbal compliments and few words of encouragement.
when I say “You are an amazing person”, I do not expect you to say “You are an amazing person too” – I really mean my words when I say them, because I’ll rather not speak than say what I do not mean. Therefore, when I say, “you’re sweet”, swallow it, – let it sink.
What do you understand as words of Affirmation (WOA)?
Words of Affirmation is a simple act of compliment where a partner is reminded of being loved and appreciated. I find it totally comforting and very fulfilling to express how I feel about a person (friends, family and acquaintances). You will agree with me that verbal compliments are indeed, great motivators. As part of my primary love language, I analyse a person based on what he/she says (interpreting it as an absolute representation of how he/she feels towards me).
What are the forms of WOA?
- Verbal compliments
- Words of encouragements
- Kind words
- Humble words
- Positive words in his/her absence
“life’s deepest meaning is not found in accomplishments but in relationships” – Gary Chapman
I have come to value my everyday relationships far above sentiments, and personal bias because nurturing a relationship, especially through Words of Affirmation, guarantees:
- Collaborative efforts
- Mentor-mentee synergies
- Motivational flashes
If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other’s desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants.
While communicating, you can only speak a language that the person involved understands in order to connect. Therefore, while I use my primary language to communicate, I have learnt the love language of my partner and this I use in communicating with him – by implication, we all use more than one love language at the end of the day.
Besides, love language transcends romantic relationships, therefore, we should learn to love others in the language they most understand.