I was with a friend the other day when a call came through. She went on and on having me interject at some point until she deemed it fit to say goodbye. It was at the end I discovered that I have been adding my voice to something I know nothing about. She has been speaking to an ex-partner all the while and not who I thought it was (her current partner).

On discovering my jam, (even though I have promised never to interject again until I’m very sure), she narrated how she keeps close contact with her ex.

She went on:

“we were friends before we started dating some 3 years back. So, after breaking up about 10 months ago, we couldn’t help but be friends again. We now discuss so much about our future and give advice where necessary”

For a second, I was lost, but soon regained my voice and spoke up,
“Ever since you broke up, has he expressed either through words or actions that he wants you back?”

 “No na. he is my ex-boyfriend and remains so. Besides, Tee knows about him and he’s cool with it. there is nothing to worry about, Becca”

Then I asked, maybe the most consequential question; “do you feel like you want him back?”

“BECCA!!!!! Ah!…….. You sef”

I was not satisfied with her response but there is a limit to what I can dig. She mentioned that Tee, her boyfriend knows about her ex, maybe that cools off my disturbed state – just maybe.

From what I deduced, my friend’s ex is her confidant; a sensible position that I feel can easily move from a mere advisory role to something else. I am not saying that staying in touch is totally horrible, especially in her case where they’ve been friends earlier. But there should be a limit to how much you stay in touch while you are in a new relationship!

Please, can her ex be her confidant?

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Rebecca Maulome Padonu is an enthusiastic writer with a soft spot for factions. A RubyWrites 2016 finalist. She has completed several freelance writing projects, including BBC Media Action’s Drama series, Story Story (series 32 & 33).


  1. Asogwa Collins Reply

    Hmmm. I for one, won’t be comfortable with this. My Ex is my friend, we call and chat but I can’t tag her my confidant.
    It is too sensitive

  2. Adokun Faith Oluwaseun Reply

    Nope!!! My ex can never be my confidant. We can only be friends and nothing more. #Ko le werk#

  3. Adokun Faith Oluwaseun Reply

    Nope!!! My ex can never be my confidant. We can only be friends and nothing more. #Ko le werk#

  4. Awugo Julius Reply

    Dani Alves. Former Barcelona player’s ex wife was his agent and remained so, even after their break up.

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