It never took up to a week to discover my partner’s love language. First, i realized that the way my partner prefers to express love is by gifting. He drops something in my palms every other time.
Whether these gifts only range from chocolates to cheezies is not the matter, but that, I have never been more moved by anything than his attitude of always finding something to give even when I don’t ask or really need it.
Nevertheless, I also got to note that he prefers spending some time with me than any other thing in the world. Although we are currently in different spaces, yet, his subtle but firm demand in spending quality time has not diminished – such is his secondary love language.
We get to talk every morning and night through chat, voice call and sometimes video call (not my favourite). Now, this is a very sensitive love language because it is not about the means (physical presence, calls, texts,) but the worth of what goes on.
Therefore, quality time isn’t just being in same place physically or otherwise but it is the act of giving someone an undivided attention.
“A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity…. Togetherness has to do with focused attention.”Gary Chapman
What are the Elements of Quality Time as a Love Language?
Are you still wondering what your partner’s love language is? This is what to look out for in case it is “Quality Time”.
- Togetherness – Your partner demands an undivided attention
- Quality conversation – Your partner seeks to talk about things with more value
- Sympathy – Your partner wants you to identify with her emotions
- Listening – Your partner wants you to listen
- Learn to talk – Your partner wants you to talk deeply when he/she is done talking
- Quality activities – Your partner loves to do some games, hangout, etc
Therefore, if you’ve discovered that quality time is your partner’s love language, learn to give her attention, sympathize/talk when necessary, focus on listening at all times. Most importantly, understand your partner’s personality type (outspoken vs reserved) and mood because sometimes after listening to her, all she wants you to do, is to sympathize and say nothing, while other times she really wants you to say something.
Now, welcome on board. Let’s assume that your partner’s love language is quality time, here is the house rule, broken into Dos and Don’ts.
- Maintain eye contact
- Listen for feelings
- Observe body language
- Don’t listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time
- Never interrupt
At the end, to live comfortably with someone whose love language is quality time, you need to come up with an event, activity or just programme to do together – it may even be the one your spouse enjoys more. At the end, even if quality time is not the answer for you, I hope you’ve learnt something after all.